MY MEMORIES
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Life has once again set me on the thinking track. This time, deeper. Discovering insights i never knew, the hurtful truths unfolded before my eyes. Truths? Maybe it is. maybe. Its just difficult to accept. It really is. It hurt so bad.
It seemed whatever that i was perceiving has been a mistake. A mistake right from the start. Why now? just why. Because life is such? This must be a joke.
Something i hold so close to my heart. Something so dear. Something which i feel, i embraced through the rough patch. But on the contrary, its just empty. Just empty.
Along the way, i have lost intangible assets that would never be found again. So all these while i was wrong? It really hurt.
Suddenly you just realise the world has made a joke out of your dear life. A life that grew up perfected, blissed and blessed. My heart bled again. all these years. ALL these years.
I didn't how severe this is until i began to realise that i have been escaping from reality. Whatever that can distract me, i allowed it knowing that then, my mind would be pre-occupied with whatever that's involved.
Voicing out again stirred up the complexity of emotions. All that i've been through was tough. Getting it replayed slapped me back into harsh reality. Its not just always all about me. Like i'm victimised. Like i'm shortchanged. All the time. It's just taxing even to think about it right now.
The words that drowned me, the replay that continued like its never ending, everything.
Bringing myself to face this world again, knowing once again that i have been all along standing on equal platform, i believe is the first step to get myself out from an idealistic world. A world that's mould by social norms. And i didnt realise how blend in i am towards social norms. Whatever that society deem is right, is right.
After the conversation that involved a whole lot of emotions and thinking, revealed alot about myself to me. How ironic. Just how funny life can be.
Waking up is just tough. Sometimes, i wished things weren't that clear to me. Then, i would have felt so much better all over again. And then, time will help fade whatever that has pricked my heart once so badly.
But things ain't this way.
Junkies treasured @ 8:04:00 PM
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